I didn’t need to have children to complete my life.
Yes, I said it.
Now that she’s here, I love my daughter more than anything in the world. But I live alongside my child. I do not live for her.
Throughout childhood and young adulthood, I never imagined myself as a mom. I had no negative feelings towards parents or parenting, but the thought of motherhood didn’t occupy much space in my mind. And while it sounds strange, my lack of vision has shaped the type of parent I have become. 
On the request of my husband, our daughter arrived in July 2012. I would have asked him to gestate and birth her, and he would have agreed to it if it were biologically possible. Pregnancy felt to me like an alien invasion from the outside in. Doctors told me that I was not supposed to go skiing or eat my favorite foods. Strangers touched my bump on the subway. Even my friends and family forgot that my immediate concerns were more closely related to the Yankees’ win-loss record than how I was going to parent my child-to-be.
I can trace my attitude about parenting to my career as a teacher. The most important lesson I have learned in the classroom is that the teacher can set general goals based on certain accepted “standards,” but cannot know in detail how those goals will be met until he or she actually meets the group of people on that roster. Once I get a sense of who a person is, I can figure out how to convey values and skills. It’s an approach that has worked for me in the classroom, so it was natural for me to transfer that to parenting.
Also, when I became a parent, I did not want to change my lifestyle too much. Sure, I would have to adjust in certain significant ways: the child’s needs come first, expect more messes, don’t try to control what can’t be controlled, etc. But the idea of making my household “child-centered” was not an option for my family. 
Traveling to many countries and observing as many cultures as possible has profoundly influenced my family and parenting style. And one idea that I’ve picked up is that many cultures place less emphasis on contriving a “child-friendly” atmosphere full of baby gates and wet wipes in favor of adults letting kids explore their world as it is. (Sure, we have baby gates, but we use them to keep our dog from eating the soap).
The way I see it, young kids are naturally a bit self-centered, so every activity we do with our children is going to be child-centered. We share our passions with our child and offer her experiences that we enjoy, and we let those shape her interests. For example, we have been marching in Chewbacchus, a New Orleans Mardi Gras parade, as a family, since our daughter was three years old. To prepare for the parade, we make our own costumes and “throws” at home in her presence, and often, with her participation. Certainly, this event has influenced our daughter’s keen interest in fashion, fantasy, and exploring the many cultures that make our world interesting.
Finally, I feel that it’s important for my child to know and respect that not every adult has children or enjoys being around them, so she must be mindful of her surroundings and behave accordingly. This means that we expect her to be open to all experiences and incorporate new ideas and ways of living into her sense of what is “normal.” Just as I have had to adapt to parenthood, my daughter needs to adapt to each new situation and challenges that she faces.
While my parenting style isn’t conventional, and my child certainly isn’t perfect at all times, I will say with confidence that she is definitely that child who pleasantly surprises you if you have to sit near her on an airplane.
