After the last few weeks of life throwing curveballs, I’ve come to a decision. I don’t want to be a grown-up anymore.
I’ve decided to give up on adulthood and be a child again. The sense of responsibility and daily need to stay sane, even-tempered, and good-natured is way too much. Of course, that’s the tip of the iceberg. What about breakfast, lunch, dinner, school worries, general parenting, being a good friend, wife, and daughter….enough!
This comes after I clearly remember my youth being spent waiting to grow up and wanting freedom from rules made by others. I wanted to go where I pleased, eat what I wanted, do what I wanted, get a dog, stay up late. Funny how that slips by and you end up on the other end. No free lunch, speaking of which, eating ice cream for breakfast, does me no good now…my thighs (and my mom) will tell you that. Ugh.
I’d like to climb a mountain and scream from the top. I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating out of my chest. I worry about my kids, my parents, our sanity, our health, my friends, staying connected.
I’m keenly aware of our front line medical and essential professionals. They see it all and can’t go home to their families in some cases for weeks and without an end in sight. What do I have to scream about? I’m not ungrateful, just frustrated, anxious, and out of control.
Out of control is the worst part. I am a planner by nature and have always had the next steps in mind. Now, nothing is certain at all. It’s a new reality.
Adulthood sucks, and I’d like to get off the merry-go-round!
