Becoming Me: My Life 10 Years Ago Versus Now      

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My life 10 years ago consisted of just me and the Hubs, work, going out to dinner on the weekends, going out drinking/partying, occasional gym stints (being a cardio bunny, sweat and calorie burn was my main focus), and sleeping late on the weekends. Just being.

My life now consists of child rearing, kid activities, organizing meals for the week, keeping the house in order (as much as I can), continuing education for the kids, dedicated gym visits which are focused on strength – both mentally and physically. 

What has led to the change in these 10 years? How did I become me? Lets discuss.

Ten years ago I was in my second year of marriage, trying to figure this adulating thing out. Cooking meals, cleaning, working, entertaining – that is what I lived to do. I didn’t have to take care of another person. Well, when you have a husband, you are in essence, taking care of another person, but I mean a young person. A child. You have all the time in the world. Time is not moving so fast during this time.

Over these 10 years, I have gone through three pregnancies yielding two live births, one miscarriage in between, marital stressors, job stressors, job layoffs, family health challenges, friendship struggles and endings, you name it. It has become a blur, actually, to the point that I do not remember a lot of what was going on in the day to day.

I look back and I see how much I have grown as a person during these 10 years. I see how much strength I have developed during this time. I see how much heartache and stress I have overcome. I see how the things I have lived through could have turned someone else away from life and faith. It could have steered them to dependency on substances to get through each day. I could have gone down that road.

Some days I felt like I didn’t belong, like I didn’t count, like the world would not miss me. But then I started to read a lot of personal development books and listen to podcasts. I surrounded myself with positive people and influences. I decided to dedicate time to grow positivity and strength from my soul. These are things that I always looked to get from the outside – from people, from events, from family, from close friends.

All of this seeking made my happiness dwindle since I was dependent on exterior factors. Why was I seeking happiness and validation from outside of myself? Why was I always leaning on someone to have a good time? Why was I depending on someone to validate what I was wearing, what I was doing, or if something I believed in was good enough?

I lived my life seeking external validation. MY LIFE. Do you know how long that is? To be frank, I am in my fourth decade. That is a LONG time to seek happiness outside of oneself. I have strived and continue to strive to make my own happiness and to seek self-validation – to develop a “no care” attitude, if you will (my choice of words is “G” rated; I like to use expletives usually).

In 2019, I have many more years of marriage under my belt. I have two beautiful children that test my limits of being a parent every day (I would not trade it for the world). Everything that is occurring in my life right now is a result of every single choice that I have made over the past 10 years. It has taken a long time to curate my mind and my vision for my life to get to this point, and I am still making strides to get there.

But I am so happy to have experienced all that I have gone through in these past 10 years. It has helped me to become me. It has shaped the woman that I am now and the woman that I am becoming.