Coming Up For Air: How an App Rescued My Marriage

Looking back on 2020, it was clear the only way our family survived was by prioritizing the important and letting go of everything else. What wasn’t clear at the time was that prioritizing my marriage had slowly slipped to the bottom of the list.  

I’m sure we’re not the only couple that let our relationship “go” over 2020. With quarantine, school canceling, WFH, and separation from family, it was survival mode to the fullest. My husband is absolutely a great partner, but truth be told, like most moms in the pandemic, the responsibilities fell disproportionately on me. 

For a while, I had been too busy to notice, but when I did, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And I became very resentful of my husband, who’s world, in my mind, had only slightly changed, while mine had been smashed to smithereens.  

I found myself arguing with my husband quite frequently. It scared me, honestly, because deep down, I didn’t want to fight with him. I still really, really loved him and really, really liked him! But I needed HELP, and he wasn’t getting it. I just couldn’t effectively communicate with him. I knew we needed help, but I didn’t know where to start.  

I wasn’t opposed to counseling, but in the virtual world we lived in, it didn’t feel like the right fit. So, I did what I always do when I need inspiration. I turned to Google. My search results were rich in local therapists, articles, and to my surprise, marriage apps. At first glance, apps seemed too superficial. One more thing to rely on my phone for. But it somehow made sense. After reading many app reviews, I narrowed it down to an app named Lasting.  

What drew me to Lasting is the ability for both my husband and I to complete the sessions separately and then compare results together. It also allows us to “pair” our apps together and gives alerts when our partner has completed a session. Each session has a theme (trust, sex, intimacy) rooted in research and data.  

The app is an effective way for us to discuss hot-button issues with a calm state of being. Surprisingly we both look forward to the time we carve out to review our session together. It’s our version of “date-night” and creates the space we need to prioritize each other. It’s a small step, but it’s just what we needed to breathe a little easier, together.