Let me explain. Being in the throes of the “Me Too” movement I completely understand that voices have been silenced for too long. For those with something to say, people are listening.
Which is why I have a problem with the recent sexual harassment training my office sat through explaining gender bias. Here’s the scenario posed to myself and my colleagues:
A woman is interviewing for a job. The Interviewer asks her how she will handle the travel demands of the position she’s interviewing for and her young family at the same time.
Question: “Is this gender bias?”
A resounding “yes” was collectively shouted from our conference table.
“Very good. Yes, this is gender bias. The interviewer should not have asked that question because the interviewee was a woman,” retorted the mediator.
As the training moved on to the next seemingly easily recognizable sexist question, I was struck by the enthusiasm everyone had to call that question biased, but hadn’t recognized, what I thought at least, was the root of the problem. That wasn’t only a gender biased question, it was a family biased question.
“It’s just business, it’s not personal,” never made any sense to me. We’re humans, it’s always personal. We have multi-faceted lives that don’t exist in silos. I’m a mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt and a friend. All of that walks into and out of the elevator with me. How can it not? It’s the very fabric of my being and what makes me the motivated employee I’ve always been.
See, if I put myself in the interviewee shoes, I’d want that question asked, regardless of my sex. Ask me how I plan on juggling it all, because that’s exactly what I plan to do. I’ll tell you I’m fully committed to my job, but I’ll also tell you my family comes first. Every. Day. And twice on Mondays (especially Mondays).
I’m grateful I have a (male) boss that understands that. He has kids, he gets it. For a small company, they’re really quite progressive. And that’s no small feat in a heavily male-dominated industry. I fully understand the pack of blessings I have with the support of my village. Even with them though, it’s still really hard. Life happens.
Trust me, I understand the point the moderator was making – would the interviewer ask that question if the interviewee was a man? The answer is most likely no. And that’s unacceptable.
But the real answer isn’t to not ask about family. Ask me that question and while you’re at it, ask my husband too. The workforce is flush with women now. And guess what that means? They need their partners committed now more than ever. My male colleagues are extremely involved in raising their families along side their wives. Men need that question asked too, because they’re juggling as much as the next working parent.
Let the future working generations (man and woman) get comfortable answering those questions. It’s time to start sharing. We’re in a climate moving toward paid family leave, extended maternity leave, in-house daycare and possibly a four-day work week (wouldn’t that be the day!). This isn’t because the questions weren’t asked. Precisely the opposite. It’s because people are listening.
Let’s open this discussion and talk about what it means to be a working HUMAN in today’s culture because there’s still a lot of work to be done. Work-life balance can only happen when both segments recognize and honor the commitments to each side, not by trying to pretend they don’t exist.
So Mrs./Mr. Hiring Manager, ask me the question and listen to my answer. I imagine your response will be, me too.
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