As we approach Father’s Day I’ve been mentally compiling a gratitude list of all the positive things my husband does as a father. But here’s the deal. If I have to be completely honest, every time I think of something great he does, I immediately follow it up with something he could improve on.
Example: I’m so grateful my husband does all the grocery shopping and cooks. Followed by, yeah, but he only does the grocery shopping because the supermarket is close to the gym and he gets to go to the gym every weekend.
And the list goes on. Everything I’m grateful for has a “but” attached to it. And that’s not fair. Because the truth of it is, my husband pulls more than his weight for our family. He’s completely hands-on with our son and a terrific husband to me. But here’s what he’s not: judgmental. No, that attribute belongs to me.
For some reason, unless I feel my husband is completely giving up his whole-self, his identity and self-sacrificing all his hobbies for the good of his family, he’s really not as committed as I am. Cue the motherly martyr scene.
It’s an embarrassing confession, but deep down that’s how I feel. But (told you there’s always a but) I’m working on it. I’m starting to see my husband’s “selfish” instances as something different. Something us Mothers preach a lot about but hardly ever practice. Self-care. My husband carving out time for the gym is not an excuse to get away. It’s his commitment to himself, his health and his longevity.
So this Father’s Day I truly will have a list of all the amazing things he’s done. But more importantly, I’ll make sure to tell him that he’s my role model. My role model for taking care of myself, for carving out time for my own sanity, for striving for perfection but settling for personal best.
Most importantly, I’ll make sure to tell him how much he’s appreciated. No buts about it.
I only can say how proud I am of you as a writer, wife, mother and daughter and all the rest of the parts about makes a wonderful woman that you are. That being said I believe in how men are really changing. Family is what it is all about and the tides have changed. It takes two PRESENT parents to raise a child. (plus a village). I know this person and I believe in him and how he is making the difference in his son’s life and well as yours. Happy father’s day to ALL the men that are really trying.
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