Am I Losing Myself?


As a mom, sometimes it feels like I’m losing myself.

I no longer have the time to drop things and go for a run or book a plane flight and be at my destination just a week later or take a last-minute weekend retreat with a friend. While breastfeeding, it means having to plan ahead and pump, or always have my nursling with me. I don’t have time even to get dressed some days or do my hair.

It feels like someone always needs me, and I have lost parts of who I am. Some days it’s hard to remember how I spent my time before motherhood. Sometimes it feels like motherhood has taken over my life. 

But being a mom has taught me many things and has revealed new aspects of who I am; strength and beauty I wouldn’t have otherwise known. I didn’t know how strong and capable my body was – to carry and nourish my daughter for well over 2 years. I didn’t know how full of love one could feel for another. I didn’t know how to truly multitask or just how selfish I was (still am?). 

Motherhood has been a journey. Seeing parts of my old self fade away and replaced by new, beautiful, strong parts, I would not have otherwise known.

Even though it is hard mothering a toddler, and some days I long for my independence and my prior career as a nurse, I am incredibly grateful to be on this journey of knowing myself more as a mom and woman. 

Priscilla is 32, wife to her pastor husband, and mom to Maple. She loves to hike, camp, and enjoy the great outdoors. In the past 5 years, she’s called four states home. Prior to mothering full-time, she volunteered in Africa and worked full-time as a nurse. Early in the morning, you can find her cozied up with coffee in the quiet or reading books with her toddler.