Move Over Elsa. There is a Queen of Isolation


isolation Motherhood is tough enough, being judged 24/7, but the first few months as a new mom can be even more isolating. Much of the first few months of my child’s life had been spent learning how to be a mom. And I have I never felt so alone. 

If you are anything like me, I spent much of my time focusing on creating the bond between my daughter and I. During this time, I almost lost myself in the journey. Many people have close friends since the 3rd grade. I created mine. My husband works a ton to support his family, making it difficult for me to plan things together. His time off is well deserved and usually in short spans. As a full-time teacher, I have a little more flexibility, and the summer to spend with my little one.
On top of that, it is hard to coordinate schedules with the few mommy friends I do have. This feels even more isolating. Especially since I know, others are going through the same things, and the only way to commiserate is to text. As you know, phone conversations are becoming a thing of the past, and my child becomes Te-Ka when I do try to have a chat on the phone. Hence why I have spent much of my time alone. 
Shopping trips are a nightmare. The most isolating times I have encountered have happened in the grocery store. Forget shopping for clothes that fit this new mom-bod. There were weeks when I had spent every day in the grocery store just to not have to carry tons of bags on top of carrying a baby. When she was little, my daughter would sleep in the baby carrier. As a toddler, I am lucky she sits in the shopping cart. Usually, she wants to push it herself. Try running around with some frozen peas, a box of cheerios, and a carton of strawberries while chasing a toddler. You will meet some of the unfriendliest patrons on Earth. Fellow shoppers will make you feel like more of an outcast than the judgmental moms on the school PTA.

Starting early doesn’t always make things easier.

Having friends that have kids much older, or none at all is another isolating factor. There is nothing like defending the idea of having the children. Especially if it was a long journey to make them, in the time you chose to do it. “But next week is Cinco de Mayo. You won’t be able to have a Margarita with me.” Maybe not this year, Sally, but in the future, we can. “Can you even get a sitter last minute to come to girls night?” 
It’s awesome to have other mom friends, but when you are the last to the party, it makes it hard to have play dates. No, my two-year-old can not have a play date with your seven-year-old. Strictly because they are not capable of the same activities. Yes, it would be lovely to sit at your house on a Friday afternoon and drink a glass of wine while our kids played, but realistically, you and I have lost our common interests. I am usually busy watching Moana, and singing with my toddler, while you are busy mastering second grade common core math. 
The worst are your non-mom friends. The friends you have known since college, that still go out every weekend. The ones that text you pictures of the new guy they met at 2:00 a.m., asking if you approve. Nothing feels more isolating than the group text about girls’ night that you won’t join. No, I am not leaving my house at 11:00 p.m. I have a human alarm clock set for 6:00 a.m., with sporadic alarms set before then. I will not be able to stay out that late. Even if I did, how long until I am snoring in the corner booth? I would love to have friends over, but last call in my house is at 9:00 p.m. Then I have to worry about laundry, putting the toys away, cleaning up whatever mess is left from dinner, and the previously stated human alarm clock. 

The days are long, but the time is short. 

Your babies are just that for only so long. It may seem like you are alone, and on some days, you will be. Worse things could happen. Worse things have happened. The most important thing to remember is that bedtime happens every day. Friends will come and go, but the little people you create will be a part of your life for much longer. After all, in a freezing cold world, some people are worth melting for. 

Do you ever feel isolated as a mama?