Hi. My name is Emily. I am the mother of a beautiful 10-year-old boy. Yes, 10, DOUBLE DIGITS! (I think only parents understand this exclamatory statement and excitement that comes with these two words). It should definitely come with a badge of honor, to say the least, for surviving this long.
I was born and raised in NJ, attended college at Columbia University, uptown (ROAR, LIONS, ROAR), I cut my teeth in the ad agency world, and I always knew NYC would be my home base (it is the best city in the world, after all) and the Tri-state area would be my stomping grounds. I gave birth to my one and only child with a midwife, now retired, at St. Vincent’s Hospital, currently closed (2 weeks overdue and 3 days in labor, but let’s leave that for another post) in the Village overlooking the Empire State Building. You don’t get more NY than that. I would have 10 more kids with that dream team. But I digress.
Once a Jersey Girl always a Jersey Girl. However, once you become a parent, the question and value of “Location! Location! Location!” becomes of utmost importance. And the hottest question: “Where are the best schools?” So we begrudgingly (or out of sheer necessity) escaped/fled to beautiful Westchester County, NY to avoid the “late birthday crackdown” of the NJ or NYC schools on my sweet, but oh so sharp, November baby and to take advantage of the late cut off and the award-winning schools. Bright as a button, our little boy was rearing to go and would drive us all bonkers if he stayed one more year in preschool. Come hell or high water, he was going to all-day kindergarten, like it or not.
His dad is from Westchester, and we were back and forth over the bridge since before he was born. So the transition was not that hard. And believe it or not, Westchester and NJ are not that much different.
Minus an NJ jug handle or two, as long as you have Google maps/WAZE/GPS, you can navigate highways, traffic, and the various river crossings and can drive at least 20 minutes to any destination of note, you are good to go.
A few things I do miss about NJ are the BEACH, I mean the REAL BEACH, on the OCEAN. If you grew up in NJ, you know there is nothing like the Jersey shore, NJ pizza, NJ bagels (it’s in the water they say, just ask my cousin Joey—in case you are interested read this article: https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/new-jersey-bagels-reasons-the-best) and Taylor Ham breakfast sandwiches. Diner food? (my cousins and classmates may kill me but…) Ehhh…not so much! (and this now dairy-free, gluten-free, pescatarian, middle-aged mama misses these NJ delicacies more than you know).
Other than that, the two NYC suburban bubbles are very similar. The taxes are beyond insane. But, you have the best of both worlds of city life, shopping malls, convenience and farmlands, wildlife and quiet retreat.
The parenthood struggles are the same for sure no matter what side of the water or which end of NYC: the (non-existent/elusive) work/life balance, family life, self-care, daycare, bottles, diapers, sleepless nights, grandparents, date nights, bedtime, sick days, birthdays, head lice, you name it. And most of this within the first few moments, hours, weeks, years of parenthood. It’s a huge adjustment for anyone for everyone.
The 10-year-old thing or DOUBLE-DIGIT DILEMMA is an added level of angst. On the cusp of baby and big kid, the daily, momentary struggles of this prepubescent human are real. Middle school (yes, a super early culture shock for those in our district), social media, bullying/cyberbullying, crushes, cool kids, jocks, nerds, locker room insecurities, hormones, lunch detention, butt jokes, mom jokes, vaping, juuling, and whatever else they can throw at you in these days of mass sensory overload and overexposure of the internet age.
You are literally on a race against the clock. Is this the last year he will want to (insert cute, cuddly fun activity here), next year will he be too old for this (insert adorable family tradition here)?
What happened to your little baby? No, it doesn’t necessarily get easier when they turn double-digits or at any age. A new set of challenges crops up in place of the last. They would always tell you: “Don’t worry, it will get easier once they start sleeping through the night.” I can tell you just because I have been doing this for over a decade doesn’t mean it has become any easier. Training wheels are always needed, we still have questions, we never know if we are doing it right.
Yes, of course, I have many years of experience as a parent, but I do not have experience parenting a 10 year, or a 10.5-year-old, etc. Every day is a new day, every challenge is a new challenge, and, as much as it is said over and over, every child is different. There is no handbook to read to get you through these tender moments. It’s more of “a sink or swim,” “learn on the job,” type of deal. And you may not always get it right, but you just keep on plugging away.
You are the only parents they have, and you are the only parents they will want to have. So you do your best to show up, each and every time, each and every day. I always say, “if you are not going to advocate for your child, then who will?” And we wouldn’t have it any other way. It is the greatest privilege and blessing in the world.
No matter who you are, what you do, where you live, how much you make, work from home, work outside the house etc. every parent has the same worries: Am I enough? Am I giving them enough, what will tomorrow bring, am I prepared, money, love, health, politics, lunch money, bullying. Parenthood is a Universal plight.
So we do rely heavily on our fellow parents, our mommy friends, our social media groups, parenting blogs, for quick, and immediate answers to our daily plights/emergencies. Maybe grandma and grandpa live nearby, but times are different now, and challenges are at a whole other level, with things like common core, the new math, screen time, and TIC TOC, to name a few.
You need the advice of someone with boots on the ground who is in the trenches with you who will give you friendly advice and encouragement. “What is that gruesome rash on my little one’s arm?” Of course, there are many times where you should definitely consult an expert, but it is indeed comforting as you sit in a panic at urgent care, to read the advice or encouraging words of a fellow parent who was in your shoes just last week. You will survive.
All of this and more is what I look forward to in being a part of a larger and local community of parents and moms who support each other and share the advice of lessons learned along the way. And I hope by now, after 10 years, this Jersey Girl can now consider herself an honorary Westchester mom.
I look forward to sharing with all of you.
