October’s My Favorite Month. Or is it?

If you read my last post, you know that I love the fall even more than I appreciate the summer. And October is when fall really gets going. It’s also my birthday month and the month of my favorite holiday, Halloween.

For me, it’s not about the costumes. (I’m not one of those adults who dress up for Halloween. No judgment. You do you). It is, and always has been, about the candy. In the immortal words of comedian Jerry Seinfeld, “Who’s giving out candy? EVERYONE, that we know? What do I have to do? I can wear that!”

When I think about it, October can be understood through the lifespan of a Halloween jack-o-lantern. Hear me out.

Every October starts with the purchase of a perfectly shaped pumpkin. It sits on your table before you pull out the carving knife, full of potential and promise. The pumpkin is like all those well-intentioned plans you’ve been making with family and friends – apple picking, haunted hayrides, costume parties.

You are full of hope that those moments will nourish you just as the salty seeds inside will once they’ve been extracted and roasted to perfection. That each photo posted to your feed will be as emblematic of your “super mom” status as the work of art that is about to appear before you.

Then, reality sets in. You’ve got to actually carve this thing. It’s rainy and freezing, but you’ve promised the kids apple cider donuts, so you gather all of your strength and cut through the outer flesh with your flimsy orange-handled knife, scoop out the slimy guts, and eke out the approximation of a face. It’s terrifying.

And your kids freaking love it. They don’t care that their shoes are covered in mud or that you had to pay fifty bucks for something you could get for a fifth of the price at the store. They’re fine with the nightmares and wearing the same Power Ranger costume four times. They’re happy about it. So you light the jack-o-lantern and bask in the warm glow of joy that it brings to your family, its jagged smile an endearing reminder of the season.

And then it’s week three of this month, your favorite, you remind yourself, and you swear if you see one more pumpkin-flavored food item on the shelves, you’re going to start smashing every jack-o-lantern on your way home. (Especially the ones that look better than yours. But, really, don’t they all?).

By the time Halloween hits, you see yourself reflected in the drooping smile of the pumpkin on your doorstep, which is now a rotting, squirrel-chewed nightmare. You feel mushy, too, from too much candy, the garbage can overflowing with shiny wrappers even though you swore you wouldn’t eat any before the big day. The sight of anything orange makes you physically sick, and you toss the bag of clementines before you can think twice.

You finally pull on gloves and drag the thing to the garbage, ready to move on. It’s nearly November, after all. And indeed, plenty of turkey analogies are just waiting to be carved up and served to you on a platter.