As parents, we make a silent vow to care for and protect our children by any means necessary, no matter the cost!
The thing about vows is that there are no underlying clauses or fine print. So that means we assume all fault and responsibility for any and everything that occurs, whether near or far. As I am typing this, I can’t help but think how ridiculous this sounds?
Logically one would assume that there are obviously circumstances that prevent you from actually being responsible for things that happen. The fact of the matter is that after carrying these precious beings inside us and then literally bringing them into the world, they are little pieces of us. When we bring them home for the first time, we actually stand over them, checking to make sure they are still breathing. When we hear a sound in the next room, we drop everything and take off running, even if they are safe and sound strapped into a highchair or surrounded by four pack-and-play walls.
If my child gets hurt at daycare, the person responsible would be the person with whom I entrusted my child’s safety. If your child gets hurt under someone else’s care, are you still responsible? The answer is NO! despite that awful feeling that there was something that you should or could have done to prevent it. That feeling is something I refer to as “mom guilt,” and mama, you need to let it go!
When you feel guilty for something that was out of your control, you still feel responsible somehow because your child was affected, which is mom guilt.
Now, in no way am I insinuating that guilt is not a natural emotion that we should feel. The truth is that we should most definitely be concerned. We should also want to assess the situation and find a way to make sure that accidents don’t reoccur if there are, in fact, preventive measures that can be put in place. However, it is important to learn and move forward. Playing the blame game and torturing yourself is not healthy, and it is surely not helpful to you or your children.
Short of putting your children in a bubble, there is really no way to prevent all of the scrapes, bumps, and bruises.
Not for nothing; I am almost certain that my children would likely find a way to cause a ruckus safely enclosed in a bubble as well! There is no way to have your two eyes on your child every second, of every minute, in every hour, of every day. Yes, as silly as it was for me to type that out and for you to read it all the way through, so is the notion that such watchful eyes are possible!
So, mamas, let me implore you to forgive yourself for all the accidents you think could have been prevented. May I also encourage you to be kind to yourself in the future. Accidents are a part of the learning process, and if you have not yet encountered one, the probability of one happening in the near future is extremely high!
Grow through what you go through, and learn the lessons meant to be learned.
At some point, another parent has felt the same way that you do in the moments that you feel like you have failed. You are not alone, and no one is perfect. Remember that life happens, and let it go!
Mom guilt is real. I personally feel Mom guilt for the emotional pain my children go through more than the physical. Of course I hate to see them injured. But once they are capable of managing their own bodies it’s pretty much out of your hands. At 6 and 7 years old, my children face many small disappointments daily. They can’t always get what they want. I am a fan of delayed gratification and can say no to them easily. But seeing them let down after greatly anticipating a visit from a loved one or being able to go somewhere fun and plans are cancelled. Those tears hurt my heart.
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