Sex and the Single Mom: Why You Should Date, Even if You’re Exhausted



Being a mom is the most tiring pursuit I’ve ever encountered. Second to mothering? Dating. Both, though, are worthwhile and deliver a huge payoff. So, if you’re a single mom and dating is currently at the bottom of your to-do list, I encourage you to move it toward the top.

You Teach Your Kids About Love

If you want your children to grow up and have happy, healthy dating relationships – shouldn’t you show them how that’s done? If you’re a single mom like me, your last relationship didn’t work out well. There’s no shame in that.

In fact, separating from something that wasn’t working is brave and admirable. Giving up on love after is not.

It may take some time to get back on the dating bandwagon, but it’s important to show your children that love is important. Don’t get me wrong. You shouldn’t bring your kids as witnesses to all your first dates. You should, however, show them that love is a worthy pursuit. Talk to them about dating; prove that it’s ok to spend the time to find someone to love even if there are bumps along the way. Most of all, teach your children that love is not something you should learn to live without. You wouldn’t want that for them, would you? So, why settle for it yourself?

Happy Moms Make for Happy Kids

All moms can agree, life is better when you have happy kids. But, our children feed off of our energy. So, why do we put off our own happiness when that might be the key to theirs? We wouldn’t let our kids, after a first teenage heartbreak, never date again or put off going to prom (for example) because they had a little homework to do. So, why do we delay our own romantic happiness? I suggest that what’s good for the goslings is good for the goose too. So, pretend you’re giving your son or daughter advice the next time you’re trying to muster up the courage to go out. The payoff is worth it, I promise.

Dating Gets You High

Attraction, romance, and affection all produce chemical reactions in our brains. The happy hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin are released and you, naturally, feel like you’re on cloud 9. This doesn’t just happenif the date goes well. Even if it’s a dud, the act of anticipation, grooming, preparing for, and eventually having a nervous first meeting – all get our blood pumping and flush our cheeks. Now, imagine if things go well? A whole lot of endorphins are set to come your way. Dating is – chemically – better than a workout, chocolate, a glass of wine, or even a nap. So, drop your former drug of choice and try a little instead.

Your Excuses are Pretty Much BS

If you can carve out time to watch your DVR, then you can make time for dating. Not time, but lack of a babysitter standing in your way? Make friends with another single mom and switch off on Saturday nights. Unintentional bonus: you’ll have someone to compare notes with. Can’t find another single mom? Ask a married friend to help. I bet they would love to live vicariously through your Tinder trials and tribulations in exchange for a few hours a week.

Think you’re too fat/ugly/old to date? Let that stuff go girl. There is someone out there for everyone. If you don’t believe me, google dating websites for ___ (fill in the blank with your insecurity). You don’t have to use the site, but the fact that there is one should help make you a little less self-conscious.

Allowing Yourself to be Loved is a Radical Act.

Moms are often painted as givers. We give life, food, knowledge, and love – but who gives to us? Part of dating is allowing ourselves to be selfish. Gifting yourself with moments of joy, laughter, new experiences, and (hopefully) orgasms. These are all things that make living in this crazy world worth it. You don’t have to sacrifice them just because you’re a mom. So, don’t allow yourself to go down in history defined by only one adjective. Instead, allow someone to go down on you and continue to experience all that the world has to offer, even if you’re too exhausted to date.