It’s not hyperbole to say that my family and I had a horrible summer. If you follow my posts, you know that my husband’s Aunt and Godmother died in June from ovarian cancer. My husband also made a huge transition in his career, and while the move was definitely in the right direction, it was also very stressful for all of us. And then, at the end of July, his best friend, whom he’d known since college and spoke to daily, died suddenly from a heart attack while hiking with his wife and two small children. My husband was personally devastated, and it really rocked our family.
We made some other wonderful memories between Memorial and Labor Days, but the prevailing memories of this summer will be of death.
I have an old friend who has suffered greatly in her life. She has experienced what, to me, is the worst thing that can happen in a mother’s life—the death of a child. On those occasions when I’ve imagined myself in her shoes, I usually wind up in tears. I think such a loss would break me. But she’s not broken. In fact, she’s one of the most positive, outgoing, and fun people I know. Not because she wasn’t affected by what happened to her, but because she has the ability to be grateful for the years she had with her daughter rather than being bitter that those days ran out far too soon. I always thought that I could never be like her, and maybe losses as profound as the ones she experienced would break me.
I owe it to myself, my spouse, and most importantly, to my children to try and not let the bad stuff win. So what’s the silver lining?
When I think about the people we lost this summer, I remember that they were both people who lived life to the fullest. Both seemed as if they were here on Earth to enjoy life, and they both made the most of their very limited time.
We don’t know how many days will make up our life stories, and while it can be easy to dwell in regret or in what we don’t have, better use of that limited time would be to focus on what we do have.
The sad time we experienced this summer has served as a catalyst. If I didn’t know it before, I now have proof that bad things happen to good people and that ones’ light can be extinguished with little or no warning.
What I want to do with that proof is enjoy my life. I want to have fun with my kids, read all the books, spend time with people I love, and acknowledge that each day we get is a gift. I refuse to sweat the small stuff anymore, and I refuse to let laziness or fatigue or finances, or anything stop me from getting outside to enjoy a beautiful day, enjoying a long chat with an old friend, or taking a vacation to create memories with my beautiful, precious children.
Life is short, and I refuse to waste mine.
While my husband and I miss our loved ones every day, their deaths have given us a wake-up call, and it’s a gift. When we think of them, we remember how much they loved life and were proactive about making the most of it, and we are inspired to do likewise. Nothing and no one will ever replace them in our lives, but we can honor their memories by doing some of the things they did; watching a sunset, singing a silly song, or spending time with those most important to us.
