When I had my second daughter, I knew I would be taking care of her on my own. I would be a single mom. Her dad and others discouraged me from having her. They told me that if I had her, I would have two children, and no man would want me. Especially since I have two kids by two different dads (with a 15 year age difference).
But I could not get rid of her. How could I try for so long and want something so bad and then get rid of it?
I tried getting pregnant with my ex-husband for over seven years. We did IUI’s (artificial insemination) and other infertility treatments. I miscarried early once, and that was it. I was devastated since all I wanted was to have a baby.
We were married and had our house, and I was ready for it. However, we got divorced, and my oldest (and only daughter at the time) and I moved out. I was on my own for the first time. I moved right from my mom’s house to my ex-husband’s house when I was 22.
I was getting the hang of being a single mom. I worked, I always worked since I was 15. Did I make tons of money? Not at all. I was dating; I signed up for dating apps for the first time. It was all new to me.
I went away with a new guy for the weekend, and I didn’t bring my oral contraceptive. I thought it was no big deal, and I probably couldn’t even get pregnant. So it was quite a shock that I was pregnant after a few months of being together. He freaked out when I told him, so I told him that I wouldn’t have her.
However, when I went to the clinic by myself, I could not do it. I called my mother hysterically from the Planned Parenthood parking lot and told her I could not do it and didn’t want to have an abortion.
She supported me. Not that I am anti-abortion, I could not go through with it myself. My daughter’s father told me that if I had her, it would be without any support from him. I was 34 years old, and I had a lot of help from my older daughter and friends. I had a good job at NYP Hospital, and I just started taking classes at Concordia College to get my bachelor’s in Healthcare Administration.
I put my brave face on and said I could do it. I decided to have her alone, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I wanted to have my baby and prove to those that thought I would struggle wrong.
Yes, I would be a single mom. I would finish school, and I would find a man who loves me and my kids. And yes, I would still have a social life and excel in my career and find happiness. I would be a fabulous mom. I knew it wasn’t impossible, and I was determined to do just that. So I did.
