As a parent and educator, I am a strong believer in the fact that kids need visuals to learn and make a change. Raise your hand if you feel you are the mom that repeats herself ten times a day. I get it, sometimes a verbal prompt (or let’s be real, one thousand prompts) is not enough to get the behavior you want or expect.
Instead of repeating myself every day and expecting different results, I’ve had success with behavior charts in both my work and personal life. Behavior charts can also be called reward or sticker charts. But no matter what you call them, trust me they work!
The word “behavior” in behavior chart doesn’t mean that you have a naughty kid. It simply means that you have a behavior that you either want to encourage (being kind to your brother/sister, eating more vegetables, following house rules) or extinguish (getting up in the middle of the night to climb into mom and dad’s bed, hitting or yelling). Here are some of the reasons I think these charts are perfect for children:
Clear expectations: You and your child have discussed the end goal. They know what to expect and they know what they have to do to reach the end of their chart…the choice is then theirs. Instead of repeating myself a thousand times a day, I can quickly point to the chart to remind them that their actions are going to effect what they earn.
Provides a visual: Children can be proud of the things they accomplish by seeing all those stickers, x’s, check marks or whatever you use to mark a task as complete. At the same time, they can see which areas they still need to work on. It serves as a “reminder” of how they are doing that week/month and holds them accountable for their actions.
Motivational: Nothing gets kids moving like something they really want. This is one of the most important aspects of a behavior chart. If a child doesn’t want the end prize/reward, they are not going to work for it. You may have to work through 3-4 behavior charts before you find what really makes your kid tick! Some rewards that we use in my house include: a piece of candy, special dessert, 10 extra “stay-up” minutes, small prizes, 30 extra “screen time” minutes, and for really big tasks, a trip to the toy store at the end of the chart. Once you find what motivates your child, the chart works wonders! Often times, my children have to remind ME about the chart (“oh mom, don’t forget I was nice to my sister today, so that’s another sticker on the chart when we get in!”).
Children earn rewards rather than having things taken away: Every mom knows the pain of having to take the tablet away, or put the Legos aside till they earn them back. The best part about behavior charts it that you never feel like you are taking away something from a child. Instead, they are earning something that they really want. (Never take off stickers if a child does not do what is expected of them – once they are earned, they stay on the chart).
Focuses on the positive: So often we focus on what a child hasn’t done that we rarely sit down and discuss their positive achievements (“you got a bad grade, you were mean to your sister, your teacher said you weren’t listening today…”). The chart provides a perfect positive visual of all the things that they were able to accomplish. The conversation then changes to, “Wow, your teacher said you had a tough time today, but look at how you turned it around and followed the house rules tonight!”
Consistency: The reward charts provide a consistency for achieving their goals. Make sure that you once you initiate the chart, your child must get an immediate sticker/reward when the behavior is observed. Make it an exciting achievement when they follow through with their goals.
How do I introduce this thing?
The first thing you want to do is get your child excited about the chart. This doesn’t mean that it has to be large or fancy (although have at it if you like!). Usually I will use a simple piece of paper, draw a grid and buy some stickers of characters my children really enjoy (it happens to be Moana right now but who knows what it will be next week!). Another important way to introduce the chart is to refrain from using negative language. Instead of saying “you will not yell at your sister” you can introduce it by saying “you will use a big boy voice when you get upset with your sister.” Then, agree on how many stickers/x’s/check marks need to be completed before gaining the reward (a weeks worth, the end of the chart, etc).
I always foster a discussion of “what kind of prize do you think we should get at the end?” to make my kids feel included and to empower them in their earning choices (they often come up with clever things on their own that I would never have dreamed to offer – “All you want is 10 extra minutes to stay up? Ha, okay buddy, that works for me”). Also, don’t be afraid to change it up! Are those Moana stickers that for some reason worked for a week and a half, yesterday’s news? Get new stickers, keep asking your child if the reward at the end is what they truly want and if not, don’t be afraid to change it up!
What can I use them for?
You can use such charts for literally anything you can imagine. Here are some of the ones that have worked well in the past for both my own kids and previous clients:
- chores
- “staying in bed” until morning
- completing all bed time routines (teeth brushing, pajamas, etc)
- eating more vegetables
- finishing or attempting homework
- getting ready for school independently
- being in bed at a specific hour
- cleaning up after themselves (toy room clean up, putting clothes in hamper, tidying room)
- trying new foods
- school expectations
- potty-training
- stopping thumb-sucking
- getting rid of pacifiers
- speaking kindly to others
- following house rules
- etc, the options are limitless!
Do I have to do these until they are off to college?
No, no and no. I usually use these charts for 3-4 weeks max. If the behavior has not been encouraged or extinguished I usually will try other motivators until I achieve the desired outcome. Once a behavior is achieved or has disappeared, you can start to stagger the rewards (maybe they get a sticker every week instead of every day that they brush their teeth without being told more than once).
I encourage you to not give up on the behavior charts if the first or second attempt doesn’t work out as well as you had hoped. It takes a lot of modifying to find the perfect motivator that works for each child (I’ve even helped parents make special Spider Man and Lamborghini charts to help increase motivation and get their children excited about what interests them). While a behavior chart can’t always stop a full out tantrum in the grocery store, or make your child behave like an angel 100 percent of the time, they are an effective tool to help promote positive behavior!
