Why Don’t I See What My Friends See in Me?


A woman comforting another woman while sitting on a couch.Why don’t I see what my friends see in me?

A friend of mine once commented, “You are so patient.” 

“Patient?” I laughed. “No, I’m not patient.”  

But my friend saw patience. 

She saw patience, as I felt a loss of control.

She saw patience, as I felt myself getting more frustrated as the seconds moved forward. 

But life is funny like that.

What we feel inside, the self-doubt and second-guessing, isn’t real. 

What we are second-guessing internally isn’t always manifesting on the outside. 

Maybe we are just not seeing the beautiful truths our friends so often see, and we, therefore, beat ourselves up a bit as moms.

We think every day needs to be unicorns and rainbows and flip flops and bright sunshine. 

But friends, this is false. 

When a friend recognizes and points out our patience, and we beat ourselves down, saying it’s not enough, well, it is enough

We need to start to believe this.

We need to change the narrative.

We need to change our inner voice.

Maybe that particular day, with my friend at the park, my voice wasn’t as calm as it was earlier that morning, but it didn’t change who I was as a mom as a whole.

A mom who loves with a pure heart.

A mom who listens with intent.

A mom who prides herself on having a heart overflowing with patience.

Losing patience at times doesn’t make the day turn sour and downhill. 

It makes us whole.

It makes us real.

It allows us the grace to have days where patience is filled to the brim and other days where patience is barely existent. 

So today, I will listen to my very wise friend and say thank you, while not thinking for another moment I’m anything less. My beautiful friend saw a part of me I don’t often allow myself to see, and from now on, I’m going to dig deep and embrace it rather than fight it.

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Ali lives in New York with her four teenage daughters and her husband. After moving around a bit as a child, she spent her teen years in Westchester county, moved to NYC for college and returned to Westchester fifteen years ago. Prior to having the girls, she was an English teacher, and on the side always enjoyed writing with the hope to one day publish a poetry book. In her free time, Ali enjoys going on long runs, browsing independent bookstores, catching up with friends. She is in a constant state of doing laundry, cooking, policing arguments, driving to and from activities, and trying her best to be the kind of mom her girls will admire, even on her worst days. Ali is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart. You can follow Ali on Facebook at https:www.facebook.com/hangintheremama/ and on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/hang.in.there.mama


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