How did we get here? I ask myself all the time.This is not what I expected, this is not how I thought it would be
We have been through a lot, but I felt alone
You were not here, you were working
I was tired, I was exhausted, I was broken
You couldn’t see it, I needed you with me but you were not
It made me angry,
I stopped speaking, it felt too difficult
You don’t speak, it’s who you are
The space between us grows
I feel like I always take the first step
I needed you to do it
I needed to hear that you could see it
It used to be fun, a laugh, light-hearted
We change
How do two people change together
We didn’t, we changed apart
On that we are aligned
But you are not here; you are working, and that is hard
Don’t you see it?
We were meant to be doing this together, but we don’t
I thought it was about balance, but it’s not
It’s about harmony we don’t have
I thought it was resentment, but it’s envy
You don’t juggle, you go between, and your balls will not fall
I juggle fine China, it falls, it breaks
And no one is next to me to clean up the mess
I do it myself
When you come home, I know you try
But you don’t see that you choose things not important to me
I need to hear you
I know you are thankful, I know you appreciate it, but I need to hear it, a lot
Because it’s hard, because I am continuously self-doubting, because I am on my own so much
Because you are not here when I drop the fine China
I need to hear your acknowledgement, the recognition, the praise
Those words don’t come, no words come
I throw horrible words at you, it’s not right
But your silence has been deafening
Please speak to me because I no longer feel I can speak to you
You don’t understand,
If only you could talk to me but
It’s not you, it’s never been you
I can’t change you, but I need it
It’s in your control, but you have to want it
Don’t you want it, for us, am I not enough, are we not enough
I am not perfect I don’t claim to be,
But I need someone to meet me halfway,
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, and it’s a heavy load to bear
We were meant to be partners, but now we are drifters
The emotions brew like a storm
The storm rages inside me, and I need to break free
You accept it, you don’t question it
So here we are.
Just like that
